About Me: I am 35 Years old. I am a 10 year Domestic Violence Survivor who suffers with a tumor inside my spinal chord due to blunt forced trauma. I try to live my life to the fullest but with a complaint here and there ... ok.. maybe a few complaints.. lol..
I do hold grudge on those who have had a hand in "torture" through out my lifetime.. and yes, I do love Karma.. as I am a person who believes "an eye for an eye"! And also believe those who abuse, lie, cheat and torture others should be placed onto one island and taken care of by the most menacing predator ever! Just my opinion..
Although I have my fault of feeling that way, I really do have a big heart and would give the shirt off my back to anyone in need. I guess my biggest problem is that I have a heart and no matter how many times someone screws me over in life, I will always be there to help them. Sometimes I wonder how a cold heart can be turned on and off just so that I could say no once in a while to those who know how my heart can never say no but are never there when I need a shoulder. Ah well... live and learn I suppose.
The most important thing in my life are my children. They are the very reason I breathe today. They are not only my world, my life but they are my HEROES. Long story short, I could never have made it thus far in life with out knowing what it was like being a mommy to them. I was truly blessed by being able to do just that and for that I thank god each and everyday. Things have happened through out the years that were out of my control, but one thing I would like them all to know is, I never once gave up our fight. I never once stopped loving you. And I certainly never once stopped thinking about any of you.
That leads me to my beautiful granddaughter who was just born on 11/10/2009. I got to hold her once and it was like heaven to me. To hug my daughter and to hold her child. I know that she will make a wonderful mommy.
With myself, I feel that life is slipping away little by little each and everyday. As the days pass, a new symptom from my tumor will show it's ugly head and I will sit and feel so sorry for myself, crying and never allowing anyone to see my fear. My fear is that I know all too well that there is no cure for me. No operation to save me from a destiny of being paralyzed as this thing grows and destroys my spinal chord. One day, I will be nothing more than a thinking vegetable as my exhusband gets to live his life, worry free, enjoying those vacations and trips with our son. Me, laying in a bed, people wiping my ass and me wondering why... why me god? I tried god.. tried to be a good person in life and asking him to just take me out of my misery.
As I sit here, wiping the tears from my face, puffing on my cigarette, listening to the tv, typing on my laptop.. it seems so natural, almost like life is ok. But the reality is still there that I am slowly dying and I am only 35 years old.
The one thing that I would like to say.. and to have known through out the world is for my kids to know just how much I truly love them. To say that I am sorry for all that has taken place in the past 14 or 15 years. If I could turn back time, Heaven knows.. I would do just that! That first hit to my face, I would have packed us up and left immediately if I knew this is where we would be years later. Because no matter how many beatings that I have gone through in a lifetime, there is never a pain much greater than losing your children! I love you guys with all of my heart and soul! I miss you! Mommy.
Basic Interests: Earning Cash Prizes, Friends
Relationship Status: Engaged
Favorite Type of Music: The 80's, The 90's, Country, Classic Rock, Comedy
Favorite Activities: Spending time with family/kids, Computer activities, Fishing, Listening to music, Watching sporting events, Shopping, Socializing with friends/neighbors, Traveling, Swimming, Outdoor activities, Sewing/crocheting, Relaxing, Animals/pets/dogs, Horseback riding, Writing
Accept Me For Me... For That Is All I Will Ever Be...